i don't want to

i have been trying to do things lately that i don't want to do. for instance, i have taken up running. i hate it. i know it is good for me, that my lungs and heart will be stronger because of the exercise, but i still hate it. for me putting one foot in front of the other in a rythmic manner, inhaling and exhaling, winding through the streets of our neighborhood is all drudgery. and our neighborhood is a great place to run. there are beautiful trees, some great houses to pass, a quaint little village with shops to look at, there is a view of the james river and at just the right time of day the sun sets across the water. i mean it is probably one of the best places in the commonwealth to run. not far from our house there is even a city walking/running trail that goes through a wooded area next to a local musem with wooden bridges that cross a couple lakes. but i hate running there too. my lungs feel like they will explode, my legs feel like heavy soup and my breathing sounds like i am in the middle of some type of medical emergency. the entire time i am out i am thinking how much i don't want to be doing this. and that's what i like most about it. i do it anyway. don't ask me in a month whether i am still running because i may not be, but for now i hate it and i am doing it anyway.

i also hate getting up early. unless i have an early tee time i really don't want to get up before 7:30 or 8:00am. the last couple years at our house has been busy. our twin daughters will be three in a few weeks so we have been happy to get any rest. the first year was a bear and i was't the one who bore the biggest part of getting up with them, my wife was. even so i still slept less those first two years than ever before. so when our girls began sleeping until 7:00am or so about a year ago, i was not complaining. but i have been convicted lately that i need some solitude. a few minutes to spend with my thoughts, my bible and in prayer. let me assure you that there is no solitude after 7:00am at our house. once the girls are awake its on. and by on i mean on with volume. so if i am going to have any time it must be before they are awake. i remember my mother saying that she got up at 5:30am while we were growing up. that's about 30 years of getting up at 5:30am. so i hate it, but i'm trying.

i am also not much on journaling. so that's why i have started this blog. i know that when i have taken the time to write down my thoughts about things it has been helpful, but i never liked the idea of "keeping a journal." seems hokey. so this won't be a journal, it's a blog. i don't want to, but that's what i like about it.